ignore.ignore.ignore.

i just need somewhere to rant.
was randomly browsing through pictures recently, then it occurred to me.
when will i ever be as slim as all the other girls?

then the answer in my mind struck. never. i'm never gonna be as pretty, slim and gorgeous as them.
i'm like growing fatter by the minute and nothing i do will help.

i then start to hate myself.
for eating so much, for not controlling, for not exercising, for not being slim, for not being pretty.
i know it seems shallow, but apparently i'm someone who thinks like that.

this is so depressing.
and my mum ALWAYS thinks i'm angry at my family when i'm not.
i'm pissed off at myself. i hate myself for being like that.
and i really don't know who to talk to.

neglected.

i'm referring to my blogger being neglected.
:D
and i'm so sorry about it.

school's been a bore.
but today i ran a relay. like finally. never did that before.
hahahahha.
so anw. jc1s are in and they're cramming up the place. the canteen, toilets, EVERYWHERE.
which is freakin irritating.

oh and class people are saying i should join AJ Idol. but i don't think i'm good enough. Celine says i have a lot of bad habits when it comes to singing. must get rid of them first.
and quickly.

that's all i'm updating you for now. bye my sweet lil blog readers!

secrets. hidden agendas. tutorials. harry potter. tests. math. lectures. fats. friends. beauties. jc1s.

i don't see anything else i could ask for.
but there are definitely a couple that brighten my days.

----
i like you, yes i do.

awful.

today's a kinda awful day cos of 2 things.

1. i went to change a dress, but brought the wrong receipt along. so i wasted my afternoon thinking of what to change the dress to
2. i can't do that dumb physics online electure, so i have to copy off someone
3. i haven't touched any work this weekend

dream.

thinking back on life, i've never given up singing.
i know i have so many things to change about my voice,
but i'm still not giving up though the chance is slim.

whenever i sing, i wanna improve.
and it's not cos of the money spent on lessons. its cos of how much i really want to do this.

i've had many singers i adored. from Jolin, to the awesome Bommie.
singing is part of me. i can't do without it.
and that's probably why its still my dream.
i don't care about the hard work, as long as i get to sing. that's all to it.
not the riches or fame or whatever. just plain SINGING.



--
and maybe i have an awesome singing teacher, Celine J! (think it sounds cooler like that. and shorter)
she's so fun and easy and she doesn't stress me or anything.
and another good thing, i'm doing You and I by Bommie NEXT WEEK!!
so when i'm done i'll let all of you hear, k?
though i still think my voice stinks.

and OMG OMG OMG. JOJO studies in Nanyang Poly!!! and Carol and i never saw her before!! dang. she's so near yet so far. [for those who dont know, jojo is my awesome mirotic dance teacher who is pretty and talented!]

and for those who've been to CJ, the receptionist is called Carmen. she's another awesome person! super friendly!

actually, the entire school's awesome. love it to bits.
if only i can stay there without having to stop learning vocals.

i hate open house.

today was boring TTM!
slacked away, saw some band seniors again [missed them!]
i think sec sch one was more fun.

today, something happened.
different from the past year,
but one thing seemed to make me feel like smiling.
and all it took was a smile.
that dreaded feeling is back again.
dang.

extra

i did extra for VA today so stayed till around 7.50
tmr's open house!

spent my day sms-ing today,
then at VA, i found someone who likes almost all the same Korean Stars as me!!!!
SHINee, Key, BigBang, G-Dragon, 2NE1, DBSK
super cool!! and kinda freaky cos we like practically all the same stuff.
tmr's gonna be like 1h lecture, then break all the way till time to prep for open house.
crazy time table. hahahha

anyway, i'm disappointed Heroes hardly showed Claire today, so...

you know you love me
xoxo

hi my dearest world.
i'm dreading the start of school and i just saved pics of the hot Chace Crawford.

it's one of the few i saved.
btw, for people with no idea, i don't actually enjoy GossipGirl a lot.
it's... draggy.
so for me, HEROES is wayyy better

last. and i start again!

hi all the gorgeous people of the world!
today i had my last dance class.
so, carol and i signed up for k-hiphop!
my ma's gonna kill me when she knows, but whatever.
it means i can dance more!!
which is a glorious fact.

oh and tmr there's church! whoopee!
i think im high. hahahhahhaha

oh. i think i should tell all of you this.
in the vampire diaries, i don't like Stefan, strangely.
i like DAMON! hahahhahhaha.
he's just so.... i dunno how to describe. just like him. hahahha

-----
btw, who has math tutorials to let me copy?
i have 0 intention to do now.

you know you love me
xoxo

issues, issues, issues

so i can't find my old chem tutorials that i haven't done.
screwd.
and i spent one and half a day finishing the Vampire Diaries books. all 5 of them.
ebooks of course.
dang it.

so now im so dead when it comes to homework.
----

anyway, Vampire Diaries books are wayyy wayyy better than the show.
the show's like so far off. i cannot even picture the show's storyline in relation to the books.
here are some differences between them:

1. DAMON liked Elena after that. he was NOT in love with Katherine anymore
2. the whole vampire blood thing is wrong. Elena had both Stefan and Damon's blood in her, and Katherine killed her >she became a vamp
3. Damon, Stefan and Katherine did not live in Mystic Falls. they lived in Italy. Elena lives in Fells' Church. there's no place called mystic falls AT ALL.
4. Bonnie is not African American. She's supposed to be fair with red hair
5. Damon NEVER NEVER NEVER once hooked up with Caroline
6. Elena's hair was blond. not brown

that's not all. but. you get the point. but the book is SUPER SUPER SUPER NICE.
serious. it's as awesome as the Twilight Saga.
and it's not draggy or anything. it's so awesone.
--------

next topic.
G-DRAGON is different from all the stars i like.
i support DBSK cos they're right and SM is wrong.
but for GD, i guess i'm just over-protective.
but hey. jail isn't something to joke with.
and here are my opinions:

1. it can't be GD's fault only. YG is at fault too. cos whoever chose to approve it is wrong too, so GD shouldn't be the only one going to jail
2. his fans shouuld expect that. his solo album was rated for 19+. at his concert, he's gonna sing songs from his album, right? so, shouldn't it be clear that the audience should be expecting something more geared for 19+ since his album was rated that????
3. in relation to 2, little kiddies should have guessed that and not went. if they did, that's their problem, so why blame it on GD
4. i hardly doubt only GD is involved in choreography of his concert. if GD is going to jail, shouldn't all those who choreographed be responsible for it too?
5. i just think this is absurd. people want to mature as artistes. can't korea be like, less conservative?
   
6. i don't see britney or gaga getting sued for inappropriate dressing for young audiences. why should GD stand as an exception to that.

you got it. i'm pissed at this issue. so i'm not gonna talk about it now. sometime later maybe.

for now,
bye!
you know you love me
xoxo

"factory"

you're treat of yanngee before you read my post.

-----------



yo people of the world!
yes i'm officially crazy. NOT.

anyway, today went to school for VA.
and worked like some factory worker doing kimono girls bookmarks for open house.
the paper's nice, but the work is freakin tideous.
after that had pizza with VA peeps, and honestly, i think i'll grow fat soon enough. more of fat-TER actually.

but hey! i exercise quite regularly now! :D
so proud of myself.

i know xuxu reads this blog, so,
FOR XUXU:
WHATEVER. i like SHINee more than 2PM.
oh, and THANKS MY DEAR! for tagging me in all the GD pictures!!
love him to bits. he's just so CUTTTTEEE!!!!

-------
i think it's time to cut my fringe. AGAIN.
and i still wanna shop.

oh and abt HEROES, strangely,
when watching the latest ep, before the last part
i decided something.
I WANNA SEE A CLAIRE-SYLAR ROMANCE!!!!!
i think it's quite unique. but dont ask me why i thought that.
it just popped into my head.
and i was kinda shocked at the ending. cos of claire's face on SYLAR's arm.
its like.... WOAH.
hope it's gonna happen~~~~

if it does, maybe i'm really psychic.

that's all for now!
you know you love me
xoxo

gossipgirl is getting to me.

blehs.

out with maureen today!
went to orchard to shop!!!!!
wish i could find more shoess.... i love shoes...

extra bonus!! HEROES IS BACK ON!!!
YAYNESS!! I LOVE HEROES!!!

and dang it. i have school tmr. CCA.
ugh. how horrible that sounds...
hope i'll enjoy it!

you know you love me
xoxo

la~

spent a whole day doing an essay outline and i'm still doing.
sian ttm!
oh and i need help with P&C.

-----
what should i train for the audition????
8 months left to my deadline.
my dream. i'm never giving up.

-----
a new decade.
a new life.
a new me.

and i'm gonna try to live differently from how i did.

i don't want to regret after the year's over. i don't want to regret what i didn't do, what i didn't get to experience.
i need new space to grow.

yoyoyo

hi everyone.
today's my good friend MARIA's birthday!!
she's finally 18!! and 8 more months to go for me!!
had a super awesome day today anyway.
and its awesome for no specific reason. i just feel happy.

EXTRA PICS TODAY:

what am i doing? staying away from church?
didn't i make those promises last time?
but why am i now breaking them one by one?
i must have broke his heart.

when i told myself i didn't want anything to do with him anymore today,
did he send my dear friend to come and speak to me?
did he do all this to keep me.

ugh. homework.

shit. shit. shit. shit. shit.
i have to start homework.
which equals to crazy amount of work.
plus i needa go to school on wednesday. dang it.
seems like hols are over.
SPAM HOMEWORK WEEK AHEAD.
argh. hate it.

well, at least seeing 1 person cheers me up.

xin tian di. xmas day out!

big teddy!!!!!! i want!!!!! hahahhaa

my boyfriend. NOT. my bf is wayyy cuter. :D

check out that handsome dude who's my bro and my gorgeous mama!

the 3 of us!

missed me?

so china bloacked practically every website i frequent which sucks TTM!
but missed my postings? i sure missed blogging. well, sort of.

this trip was like a crazy spamming of shopping for me. let me list down everything i bought

• 2 SuJu CDs
• 7 TVXQ CDs
• 1 Big Bang CD
• 3 shoulder bags
• 1 clutch
• 1 sling bag
• 4 no lens specs
• 3 headphones (XMAS pressie from daddy)
• 1 feather hairband
• 1 'leather' jacket
• 1 brown wig
• 1 pair of black boots
• 2 necklaces
• 5 pairs of earrings

crazy huh? i think so too.
i'll slowly show u the pics that i have of whichever items, but i dont have everything in picture!